good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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