so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
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I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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