Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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