Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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