we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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