chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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