wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
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She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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