I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
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Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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