why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
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Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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