I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
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We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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