I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize