it was like his penis was on wheels.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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