I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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