We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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