like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize