My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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