I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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