His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
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You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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