I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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