She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
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I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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