I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Floor bacon is actually really good
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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