In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
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FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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