My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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