So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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