Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
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She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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