I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
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I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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