I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
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Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
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After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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