Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have already put on my inside pants.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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