Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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