I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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