When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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