In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize