I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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