Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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