Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize