u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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