Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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