I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize