She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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