the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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