I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize