I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
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I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
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Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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