It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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