12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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