Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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