I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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