i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
sex in a hospital.. check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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