One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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