My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
two words...techno handjob
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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