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I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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