This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
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its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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